Hey yall! Where do I even start?! It’s been a while since I last blogged and for good reason. Life has been insanely busy. I’ve officially transitioned into the working world as an “adult”, and it’s been quite the ride. I’m severely tired and fatigued 2/3 days of my “work week”…take a guess of the day I’m not? Ha! I try to get to bed at a decent time and it just never happens. My one cup’o’coffee has turned into 2, with an afternoon dose. It’s just a lot to get used to. I feel like I know nothing! Nursing school definitely prepares you for the basics, but as far as paperwork goes, reading Doctor’s handwriting, talking on the phone, and understanding conversations with Doctors whose primary language isn’t English is insanely difficult. I read an order in a chart that looked like an A-Fib rhythm (in non-nursing terms: squiggly lines!) . It was his handwriting. So terrible. What looked like “Walk car to baseball rack” was “Give Lovenox this evening.” Terrible yall. I feel like a fish out of water during my day. It’s just so scary! I know what I’m doing, but I don’t. I want that comfort of knowing, but I KNOW it takes time. I work on the best floor in the hospital, with the best co-workers in the world. For that I am insanely thankful! SO much support. We laugh a lot, and that is so important! Lord knows I have to laugh at myself. I have the best preceptor and that has made all the difference. I’m convinced that nursing is the best job in the world. Even though the 3-12 hours are long and draining, having those 4 days off are GOLD. I love it. I love what I get to do. Yes, a lot of my day consists of passing meds and documenting every step I take, but I DO take the time to get to know my patients. Ask them questions. Tell them a little about myself. Being at the hospital sucks. I know that. I’m glad to be in a profession where I can make a difference while they are “sick.” Where I can be appreciated for being “me” and loving what I do. I may not have a manager patting me on the back saying “good job Kelsey”, but I have patients that I hug when they leave, or simply tell me how appreciative they are and thankful. That’s what counts. That’s what makes me feel like I did my job!I love it. I can’t say it enough!
On my days off I’ve been keeping busy! I’ve been traveling a lot to see family and friends. My home away from home-Atlanta- has been on the radar a lot. I try to get up to see my niece, Ruby-Claire as much as I can. Still running as much as I can. The 12 hours wipe me from work, so I usually shower and sleep on those days. My newest hobby has been making badge clip holders from old recycled and new jewelry. I’ve always loved art growing up. I like to paint and craft. When my Me-mom passed away, she left behind a bunch of vintage jewelry. When we sold my grandparents house, I got to take this one piece that had a turquoise pennant on it. It was very bulky so I decided to cut the pennant off of the chain and pushed a bobby pin through it to wear in my hair. I got the idea from that to make hair clips from recycled jewelry. I had an Etsy site for a while and sold out of the hair clips. When I started at the hospital, I noticed everyone had name badges with cute clips on them. The light bulb in my head went off. I started making my same old recycled hair clips, but glued them to badge clips instead. I wore one to work and started getting requests! Now I’m getting messages from friends asking if I’d ship them! SO COOL!!!!! It’s such a fun hobby. I don’t want to start a business or anything like that, but it’s a little extra cash on the side and its fun for me. I also love “creating” and I can really have fun with it! If anyone would like one, holler!
New Badge Clips! Yeeeehaw!
In the midst of all of this craziness of life and work, God has proven one thing to me. “Kelsey, I LOVE YOU!” I feel so happy about my life right now! Transitions are scary. They can be very hard to adjust to, especially when you don’t know what you’re in for. I was SO hesitant about taking my job at the hospital I am at. I was scared of the contract. I was scared of the idea of being a real nurse. I was scared I wouldn’t kick my struggle with depression and anxiety. I was just plain scared. I read this verse the other day and I just let it simmer : “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” BAM. John 14:27. I shared it with my patient that morning who was heading to heart surgery who was extremely anxious. I felt the need to. Just a powerful verse. I had so many fears going into this part of my life. Am I supposed to be in Tallahassee? Is nursing what I really want to do? Am I going to be good enough? Will I be happy? Will I “feel” God the way I used to. I have been taught so much the past few months. The biggest lesson was that God isn’t a feeling. He’s God. I didn’t “feel” him for quite some time when I was struggling with depression. I couldn’t feel anything. I based his existence on feeling alone. I had a friend of mine who worked with me when I was going through a very rough patch in life about this time last year. I remember crying to her in one of our charting rooms, just trying to put into words my feelings, and not being able to find them. They just came out as tears! One year later in that same room, she told me today how healthy I looked and it’s so nice to have “Kelsey” back. I don’t think anyone understands how good that feels! I still have my hard days, but to hear someone refer to me as “the Kelsey I know” is just beautiful. It makes me want to lift my hands higher!
Not only has God restored my spirit, but he has given me a new church home. That….right there….is a divine answer to prayer. And whats even crazier is that it’s walking distance from my house. I tend to be late to things. Not good at all! That’s why I have a job and church that are less then a mile away. Ha! (I’m working on it…promise!). Got to witness amazing water baptisms and a marriage last week. It was freaking beautiful! The Lord is good. His provision these past weeks has blown me away. He is constant. His LOVE is constant. My prayer is that I can go through my life, face unveiled, soaking up all that there is of his glory, and putting it forth in all that I do. Every step I take. Every person I meet. I’m imperfect. I complain. I am messy. I have opinions. I have frustrations. I lack discipline. But I have realized I am not Christ. I will never be. I will never be a perfect friend, wife, or mom. (And that’s not because I messed up my home-made bread last week!) I will never know all that there is to know about the bible. But I can strive towards that. I can live my life on this earth sharing Jesus through my heart. I pray he will help me with that. With patience. I know that some days I stink at it. Stink realllll bad! I can rest in knowing that he has mercy and his grace is right there for me to reach for. Praise God!
This blog is a little more personal than previous ones, but I wanted to kind of share my life a bit. Here are just a few key points about my last few weeks that I want to leave:
1. Laugh. Laughing has gotten me through my day. Digitally disimpacting someone and having a doctor tell me I needed to help move my patients balls (with his indian accent) when I figured out he meant “BOWELS” …..have all made me laugh so hard. Life can be serious, but laughing is therapeutic. Make light of all situations. Please. Things on this earth are so miniscule.
2. “The only person that can make you feel inferior is yourself.”- Eleanor Roosevelt.
Don’t take things personally. If your friends or people you work with are dissatisfied with something, just take a deep breath. Step back and reassess the situation. “What did I do?” “How would that have affected me if I was on the other side.” “Could I have said/done something different.” It’s only a bad mistake if you make it again. Otherwise, learn from what you said or did.
3. Relationships over things. People and their hearts are way more important than anything.
4. Budgeting. Learn it. Or start to learn it. Start with me. Keep track of your money for 1 week. See where it goes. What you do. Where you spend. Write it down. Then google “Dave Ramsey.” My next blog will be on this matter. I’ve been keeping my “money journal” all this week. It’s already made me sick and I’m not even done with my first week. To be continued….
5. If you haven’t been to church in a while, or you’re searching, don’t be scared. Make an effort. Just go. I showed up randomly to mine and not much surprise, so did God. I think it’s only human to doubt and deny God. He’s there. He’s just waiting for us to check in. I love that picture.
6.Exercise. Get out and run. Or start walking. It’s amazing what that does to you! Saying it again, if you want to start running, call and find a running group!!!
7. Learn that when publix has 10 for 10 deals on avocados, you don’t need to buy 10. You can buy 3 for 3$. Suckers like me learn the hard way. I’ve been making Avocado sandwiches all week long. HA! My roommates make fun of me but whatever! You live and learn. Chips and guac anyone? 😉
8.Make bread 🙂 Seriously. Recipe in previous blog. SO good, you feel so accomplished, and you get 2 amazingly delicious loaves. Made avocado and tomato sandwiches all week. SO GOOD!
9. Last but certainly not least, never. give. UP! I was ready to give up in so many ways this past year (2012). I’ve witnessed the battlefield of the mind. You CAN and you WILL overcome anything. The paths and routes we take in life are not fully understood. Why things happen the way they do. Trust that God has a plan. If you feel in your heart that you are supposed to be doing something or be somewhere, pray about that feeling. Listen to what you feel and follow. I am so thankful for not giving up. I am SO thankful for my friends and family. I fought a battle I didn’t think I’d win. I have note cards hanging on the back of my door in my room, documenting my hard days. Every day I look at them. They remind me of how far I’ve come and how my spirit has been renewed. I want to tell the world! You can overcome anything, and you can do anything! YOU. ARE. STRONG! Amen.
Love yall much!