Woke up today as my husband was leaving for work at 7 am and thought to myself….PRAISE THE LORD I am off today!!! I knew I could sleep in my cozy bed all cuddled up for another couple of hours, with no alarm or responsibility calling my name. Okay…lets be real. There is always something to be done. But a girl can pretend for a few more minutes…maybe hours…of sleep, right? I typically would have taken advantage of that and slept in, but I had to get up this morning. I have been wrestling with something for the past few months and have had ups and downs about it. I will share that with yall in a few, but first I want to give you a little update on life.
Over the past 2 years, I have been on multiple medications for depression and anxiety. Many of you who know me may be shocked that I, Kelsey Rowell, the most chipper and upbeat person, struggles with mental health! Yes. It’s true, and it been an ongoing battle for a while. I went through a really rough event in college that had to do with a relationship that I was in. I was in nursing school and everything at the time just seemed so “ heavy” to the point that I lost a ton of weight and could barely go about my daily activity. I didn’t care about life anymore. By the grace of God, I had angles in my life in the form of friends and family who pushed me through that period of life. I graduated nursing school, and now have one of the most amazing jobs in the world :); getting to take care of others. The one thing that people did for me when I couldn’t help myself…..they took care of me. They loved me! They pushed me! They fought for me! They wanted good for me. And mostly, they believed in me when I didn’t believe I could get better!
Two years later, I am almost completely off medication! I have that goal. To get off of it. To rid my body of chemicals and replace it with LIFE, FAITH, HEALTH, and ENERGY. This task has been an ongoing battle. I have ups and downs with my emotions and I get so scared that completely coming off of it will lead to a relapse of bad emotion, and I will NEED the medicine. I am not believing that lie. And I fight daily to overcome it!
My husband is my best friend. He has been my rock through this process! He has been there to encourage me in my “hard” moments and there to celebrate the good. I also am conscious to not burden him with every negative feeling that I have. I am a firm believer that saying things out loud has a lot of power over your emotion and how you feel. I try to fight those feelings with prayer and find something to do that makes me happy! Crafting, running, music, singing, fellowship, and honestly…..taking care of others brings me joy so working is good for me too!
I’m ready to take control of my life and my health. I’m so over feeling crappy and defeated! One of the biggest setbacks I feel in this journey of health and wellness is my diet and exercise! The foods that I consume on a daily basis and the lack of activity in my life. In college I would have considered my self very healthy! I was in a running group every Monday night, I ate relatively “green”, and I was super active! I ran 4 days a week at a minimum of 3 miles a night! In my head I still consider myself a “runner” but if I’m being real, I haven’t run in months!! It makes me so sad!!!!!
So here I am now. 26 years young. I’m tired! I’m exhausted! I feel very out of shape! I live on coffee! My pants don’t fit right. I don’t look cute anymore in that pair of shorts that were always my “go-to.” All of my shirts are “flowy”, and my zippers are always opened when my pants are buttoned because of the stretch I’ve created in them over the years. You know, that once-a-size-6 pant that now fits a size 8-10! Ya…..that’s my life! I discovered spanx and chaffing for the first time in life this past year. Spanx are awesome, and chaffing sucks…. I never knew that my thighs didn’t ever touch when I ran until they started actually touching and chaffing set in….What the crap!!! When did this start?!! Lets just hope I don’t hyperventilate one day with my spanx! Seriously…..this is not how I want to live my life!!!! Stretching, suffocating, and hurting my body! I want to be mentally and physically healthy! And I am SO ready to start!!!!!!!…
This next month I want yall to watch me!! I am going out on a limb sharing this, but I want everyone to be a part of this journey with me. This isn’t about losing weight for me…..it’s about getting my life back. I want to prove to you what can be done, that many feel can’t! This isn’t a magic fix. I’m not taking a special pill, but I AM going on a detoxifying journey of health……of physical and mental health……if anyone wants to join me or follow me, please contact me or follow these blogs this month! I’m looking for people to do this with me!!! I’m so tired of feeling sick and tired. I want me life back. I want to improve my life in a way that most don’t think is possible!!!! I want to spread love and encourage others to do the same!!!!!!
I WANT LIFE! I WANT FREEDOM away from medication and the food that makes me happy but leaves me feeling empty…….This blog is going to be my accountability….I refuse to “fail” in front of you!!! Thank you for every person in my life!!! Many of yall have been amazing friends and blessings and fought through my mental health journey with me!!! I’m going to pay it forward in some way shape or form….even if its getting the most healthy I can be to serve you better!!!!!!